communicate

Saving A Marriage Via Communication

You need  to get over being obsessive about or having haunting images of your spouse cheating, if you are going to save a marriage after infidelity.

Saving a marriage after cheating is a long, painful and difficult journey, but it is not impossible if both parties are committed to making the relationship work.  Despite all the hurt and pain, many victims of an affair still have a strong desire to save their marriage.  Right now your marriage is like a broken piece of very expensive rare china.  You need to know how to put the broken pieces back together so you can move forward with the critical task of building a stronger marriage than you ever thought possible.  But in order to do so you need to lay the groundwork first, if you are looking to build a fresh foundation.  There are a ton of relationship tips that you can discover.  However, communication will be at the heart of saving a marriage.  You must learn to communicate effectively if you are to save your marriage.

Communicate to Save A Marriage

I figure if I make him wait to come home a little while longer, he will appreciate me that much more.

The buzz word for saving a marriage nowadays seems to be “communicate.”  It is as if it will automatically end all conflicts and resolve all hurts.  It may seem a simple word, but it can be quite difficult to practice.  Communication is not a magic bullet in saving a marriage, but it is a necessary process and skill.

An outside-the-box communication tactic is to strip back the lies and smokescreens and really pinpoint what the real issues are in your marriage.  Most people discover that the real issues run deeper than what they thought, and this pinpoint realization may be exactly what you need to get yourself and your marriage saving mission on track.

I recently heard from a wife who asked, in part: “for how long should we remain separated after my husband’s cheating and affair?  I found out he cheated about three months ago and I immediately kicked him out.  I could not stand to look at him or live with him after I found out that he betrayed me.  About a month ago, he started begging my forgiveness and asking when I was going to let him move back home and end the separation.  I’m not sure if I want to do that just yet.”

“Honestly, I’m becoming more receptive to him and to saving our marriage.  I do miss him.  But I want to make sure that he’s good and sorry for cheating.  I figure if I make him wait to come home a little while longer, he will appreciate me that much more.  How long do wives normally wait before they take their husband’s back, allow him to move back home, and end the separation?”

Well, the answer is:  It depends.  Too quickly usually fails.  But waiting just to wait is not a good strategy either.  Punishing him will not get you into and past the problems.  Making him (or her) wait will NOT make them appreciate you more.  The response I would give this woman is start communicating now if saving your marriage is your goal.  You have a lot to do before he moves back in.  So why not start that process now and see where it will lead.

Saving a marriage is a process.  It takes hard work.  It takes real communication.

A bit of humor to get you thinking about the topic of communication in marriage.

 

J.J. Heim

With a Ph.D. in ethics and a long-time educator, J.J. has for the past ten years created websites providing valuable information and honest reviews of products.

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